ABLE Cosmetics is kicking off our guest post blogABLE series with TyLynn Nyugen, Model, Designer & Creative Director of TyLynn Nguyen. As an ABLE eyeliner devotee and someone we are big time fans of, we're thrilled to share her #IAMABLE story.
My name is TyLynn Nguyen and I am ABLE to manifest my deepest desires into reality.
Here’s a little bit about my experience and how I grew into the person I am today.
Growing up, I had everything I could have wanted. I had loving parents, a wonderful brother, I played sports, I loved to swim, I had a chocolate lab named Hazel, and most importantly I had this undying desire to be great. Alongside the many things I was grateful for was one thing that pushed me to grow: my mother’s self doubt. It thoroughly haunted her and manifested itself through her projection of her own fears onto my brother and I. It was as though she felt comfort transferring her negativity and manipulation onto us in order to justify her own fears.
Like any child, all I wanted was her love and attention. Striving to be the perfect child and to make her proud, I pushed myself physically, emotionally, and mentally to be the greatest. I won gold medals and pageants; I modeled and earned my own money from a young age; I got good grades in school. I just wanted her to be happy with me. I yearned for her to give me a compliment, to spend time with me, to show me motherly love. I stayed on this path for a while, overachieving in hopes of gaining her ultimate approval.
Then came the time to go to college and I had no idea where I was headed. I had started to run track and field my junior year of high school, which brought upon offers to run collegiately. Several schools were vying to have me on their team, and I recall being so excited at the prospects. I ended up choosing The University of Rhode Island, to which I was granted a full scholarship.
Yet even then, when all of my mother's hopes and dreams for me had come to fruition, she was on the sidelines reminding me that she was integral to my journey - that she was the one who got me there. I remember such immense feelings of self-doubt. Was it really all my mom? Had I not done anything myself? Was I still not enough? At the time as her child, and even today as a mother, this never made sense to me.
I wasn’t sure how to navigate the ambiguity, so I ran, and I jumped, and I won more metals. People wrote about me in the local papers. I felt like a star. I was happy that my mom was happy, but I still craved a deeper connection than ours. I wanted her to hold me, to laugh with me, to hear me once and for all.
For the record, my mother had beautiful qualities as well. I am the woman I am because of her example. It was this ever-present notion of self doubt that remained our constant tension; how my successes were manipulated into being a shortcoming of her worth rather than a celebration of mine.
Once I graduated from college, I returned home. After walking up three flights of stairs to my room, I knew I couldn’t stay there. I had recently fallen in love and wanted to make it work. I met this incredible man while in New York and it just felt right, but he lived in Los Angeles. I shared my feelings with my mom and she said “No - this man will try to control you.” I remember thinking “Well it’s not going to be any worse than you trying to control me.” I can laugh at that now, but at the time I felt so thoroughly trapped. Was I going to let my mom run my life?
I had a much needed heart to heart with Jesus and I begged him to lead the way.
My dad called a family meeting and said that he and my mom were going to San Francisco on a work trip. I felt moved to book a trip to LA, so that night I snuck on the computer and booked my flight. As soon as my parents took off for their trip, I left for the rest of my life.
I cried at the airport. I knew I was at a crossroads. I told myself I would be the best me, I promised myself I would be great for my own sake. I hoped that one day my parents would understand my decision and support my evolution.
And here I am today. I have a flourishing business, a family I adore, a strong relationship with my father, and I hope to have a strong relationship with my mother one day. I have complete faith in all the blessings I’ve achieved and those that are headed my way. Life is an adventure and that we are all ABLE to shape. We just have to understand that it’s molding us for something bigger than we can understand. There’s a lot more to share, but I truly hope this snippet of my reality inspires you to follow that small, but powerful voice inside of you. You are great. Your path is just how it’s meant to be. Be present and know that if I am ABLE, you are ABLE.